Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Hey! It's okay...

Ever since I've gotten back on my A-game with this blogging/posting bizz (okay, it has only been days ago but still) I've been nonstop running ideas through this thing on my shoulders called a brain. However, I have some sad news...I'm going to be a big fat copy-cat for this post. I stole it out of the Glamour Magazine.

I hope by now all of you realize I get deeply inspired by my magazines, which I have subscriptions to about five. I also hope they (as in Glamour) doesn't mind me doing so, but I couldn't resist!! There is a hilarious little section that tells people "Hey, it's okay.....about things they do. I have come up with a lovely list of my own "Hey! It's okay..." for people. Especially, the ladies.

I hope some of these make you laugh, make you ponder if people really do them, and just finally realize that "Hey! It's quite okay if you do too!!"

"HEY! It's okay..."

-to wear your little sister/cousins lip gloss, headband, or nail polish.

-to smell your armpit when no one is looking.

-if you still expect an Easter basket from your parents, even when youre over the age of 18.

-to say "ya'll" though you aren't Southern.

-to refuse to date anyone with a mustache.

-to get a little emotional when you ask for a Coke in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress replies "Is Pepsi okay?"

-to download "boy band" or any other ridiculous pop music to your ipod, yet keep it a secret because you are sooo embarrassed.

-if you use a flat-iron on your already straight-as-a-board hair.

-not to shave all winter long.

-if you buy clothes for both going out and attending church.

-to text your friend who is right beside you.

-to participate in co-ed sports only to find a boyfriend.

-to decorate for Christmas as soon as Halloween is over and leave it up until the end of January.

-if you delete people from facebook and don't feel guilty.

-to eat half an oreo and say you didn't eat an oreo at all.

-if you go to your parents house when you're sick, because your mom takes care of you.

-to ignore a text from an annoying person and say you never got it when they ask why you didn't reply.

-if you throw a fit when another person names their baby the name of your future child.

-to despise a name only because it reminds you of a person you dislike.

-to pick your nose to get the booger out, just don't eat it.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Long time, No post.

My most sincere apologizes to my stalkers on my blog slacking. I know what you're thinking. This girl was on a roll with her postings, then she fell off the blog earth. And you are correct. Between working my tail off into the dark of night doing peoples hair, and planning/attending wedding events, I haven't had the time to be silly/funny/outrageous. It has been a time for maturity, responsibility, and of course concentration, considering I've been self-diagnoised with ADHD. However, I am over that and back onto being the comedian I am.

My mother will either laugh her ass off at this or try to give me one of those straight punches to the face she does after I tell you this little story of one of her many workings. For those who know her well, you will apppreciate this. My mother...she is a smart cookie. I tell you what, she has got her own system and it works efficiently. Plus, she is the only one who benefits from it.

This past Sunday, after attending church, my little sister, Sydney, (there is a picture of her on the first post,) is driving my mother banana sandwich for some Scholastic Books from her school. My mother, with that deceiving mind of hers, comes up with the most brilliant plan in the world. She cons my innocent baby sister into cleaning the house for money to buy her own books. Better yet, this woman has no job and no money. (I realize to all you mothers, she is a full-time, stay-at-home mom, but lets cut the bull for once and for all. There are millions of mothers who have "real" jobs with an income and are a full-time mother. I'm just gonna throw that out there!) Back to my storytellling now.....I think about this for a moment, and realize WOW! She has got us all tricked. Then I turned to my daddy and ask, "So, you're paying Sydney to clean the house? I remember when you just made us clean the house." My dads reply, "No, Ashtyn, I am not paying her to clean our house." I look at him with a smile and a smart-ass tone and say, "Ohh, but I think you are. Where is mom getting the money to pay her? You! And you know what else, she is the smartest person in this house. Not only is she not working and earning the income to pay Sydney to clean, but she is getting out of cleaning." 

That, my friends, is how it's done. Round of applause to Rhonda Gardner.